Wednesday 26 May 2010

holiday and ordered food

The case is:
A family is on holiday, father, mother, teenage son and teenage daughter. While being on holiday for 3 weeks on a nice camping there is a visit to a nearby historical town.
There they decided to have a drink in a nice restaurant. The daughter asks if she can also have a sandwich as she is also hungry. The parents agree. The daughter picks a sandwich that sounds good to her.
When they bring it, it is pretty large. The daughter seems to get distressed by the mere sight.
After eating it halfway, the daughter is full and cannot eat it any more and tells her mother that. The mother insists she eats it all as she has ordered it. The daughter continues eating.

So, what is wrong with this case.
Quite some things actually. It seems the "normal" way to go when parenting, but why? Would you do that to your partner? He or she is full, would you make him or her eat it, even though he or she basically cannot any more?
So why would you do it to your child? Out of the principle that one has to finish what one orders? Why would your child have to do that when your partner does not?
I am convinced that type of parenting is creating at least obesity and likely also eating disorders.
Just imagine the feeling of being full and then having to add about the same amount to that? Wouldn't you want to throw up? I can certainly see how a parenting style like that can create bulimia. Actually I am convinced that forcing children to finish their food, especially when they are already teenagers, and especially girls, where there is already quite an emphasise on looking good, will create that.
And who is to say that this teenage girl did not go to the loo afterwards to throw it all out again. It would certainly be relieving to her.
Another part of this picture that bothers me is another of one health. Overeating disrupts the digestive system. Its overloaded. An overloaded stomach cannot properly work with the food. One should never eat more than about 80%. And then this halfway worked on food ends up in the gut. Count your blessings.
The other thing that concerns me in this picture is the fact that there is no respect for the child. The child is full, that should be respected, nobody should be forced to eat or drink more than they can. This is simply mentally and emotionally unhealthy parenting. I cannot understand how parents can do this to their children.
It is emotionally also disrespectful to the child. This child, even though its a teenager, ended up eating the whole baguette (out of fear?), eventhough the child was full and already obese. What will this action of the mother tell the child. That its worthless, that her mother does not care about how she feels or her health or the way she looks?
To be honest from what I have learned about this family and their behaviour during the vacation it was quite clear that both the son and the daughter were not taken serious. Their emotions were not taken serious. This was not the only incident.

So, how should one deal with these type of issues?
First of all relax. There is no need to force food into a child.
The best way to consider how to deal with a situation like that is ask yourself how you would want to be treated yourself in that situation.
I know that I would prefer being respected. I would like it if I would be able to share my food with someone else or take part of it along for later. I would also like it that if I ordered something that I think is small, but turns out to be large that I could discuss this with my parents and see if we can find a solution together that does not incur throwing away food.
I personally also do not like to throw away food, so I can understand other parents having an issue with that. But be relaxed and creative and find solutions with your child that are respectful to the child. If need be, throw away part of it. Its less important than your child's physical and mental well-being.

Forcefeeding is consider abusive when done to animals (except for geese in France), but it seems fine when done to children.
I personally do not see any need in anything like that, its punishment, and for what? The sandwiches in the country of origin of this child are usually not large baguettes, usually they are more like English sandwiches, I am sure this is what the child had in mind. The country where they were on holiday obviously tends to serve baguettes. And there is quite a size difference in that.